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7 Mujeres 7 Preguntas: una conversación necesaria sobre lo que significa ser mujer

6 Mar 2020 – 07:00 PM EST

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[footsteps]

pamela: thank you for coming.

"what has been your worst

experience with chauvinism

and what do you do to change

the stereotypes in your home?".

you know?

i might be too positive,

or just lucky, but i haven't

experienced much chauvinism

since i didn't have a father

figure in the house,

i didn't have neither a good

or a bad example.

patricia: i have one.

pamela: because in the news,

thank god...

patricia: i'll tell you.

pamela: i always say we have to

give credit to women in this

business.

they have been through a lot

before we got here,

and thanks to them, it was

easier for us.

patricia: in my job, i remember

there were very large

demonstrations in haiti.

and my boss, because i was

pregnant, he thought i wasn't

in the condition to go to a

demonstration, that could end up

in a riot, i thought it was an

excuse because i was a woman.

i felt completely capable,

my pregnancy wasn't going to...

i traveled until i was seven

months pregnant.

i remember they made me go into

a room for a doctor to see if i

could get on a plane.

that's something i wished it

didn't happen to me.

because it didn't seem fair.

i wasn't like this,

so that felt a little

chauvinistic.

which surprised me, because my

boss wasn't like that at all.

lindsay: chauvinism comes from

the people you less expect it.

in my case, my father.

he wanted a boy.

sports helped me get closer

to my dad, as a sports woman,

the first time i went to a club

house, i was very excited to go

in and imagine what i saw when

i did.

all those things walking around.

and i was "oh, my god!, i made

a mistake".

and suddenly someone held me and

said: "you go in and don't look

down".

and that's how you get

courageous.

i wasn't looking, but it was

hard not to.

chiqui: anyone would be

distracted.

lindsay: anyone.

karla: like the horses.

lindsay: a lot a wild

animals.

and you start to understand that

chauvinism is not necessarily

to make feel less, it's printed

in society.

karla: don't you think we

encouraged that chauvinism?

lindsay: my husband is not

chauvinistic, he does the

cooking, but my son wanted to

pretend he was cooking and he

all surprised saying "why would

he play-pretend that"?

so, sometimes we have to check

every little thing we say.

because we can send the wrong

message unintendedly.

i never bumped into a chauvinism

with a bad intention.

chiqui: i think we have to

turn down a notch to feminism

and chauvinism.

i think it's a fight going

nowhere.

if us women want equality,

we have to have men on our side.

as enemies, it will lead us

nowhere.

jackie: today i see how my son

treats his wife.

and i can't believe it.

pamela: you feel proud.

jackie: i'm proud and

surprised, because i didn't have

that.

as a mother, a woman i probably

raised this kid as i wanted.

i didn't have that because

i didn't grow up with a father,

i didn't have healthy stable

relationships,

but i raised him like that,

which i never knew until now,

and i see him and i'm surprised.

karla: as mothers we also have

the responsibility to raise

girls that...

patricia: that don't encourage

chauvinism.

karla: exactly.

that don't allow that, that they

know how precious they are,

to feel strong to say "no".

i think our mission as women

is to make our daughters feel

nothing is impossible.

and that men are no less than

us, as you said,

it's not about showing them

we don't need them.

chiqui: i don't want to be

like you, i'm happy the way

i am.

alejandra: my parents never made

a difference between being a boy

or a girl.

do whatever you want,

and that's what i try to do

with my kid.

i take him to the store

and let him pick any toy

he want.

it's never "this is for boys,

this is for girls."

and it's always been like that.

he's four now,

and you'll never hear him say

"that's girly, it's pink".

we a raising a new generation.

as pamela said, i never had

a chauvinistic incident.

my husband says "maybe you had

one". but i didn't realize it

because i don't pay attention.

patricia: i see that in my

daughter.

i grew up with a difference that

was my mother,

i couldn't come home late.

and maybe that's why i was

rebellious and always rejected

those rules we have for women.

and maybe that's why my daughter

is an extreme feminist.

and your kids teach you great

lessons,

when we share in the family chat

group with cousins and all,

jokes that can underestimate

women, she doesn't find it

funny.

and in our times we would have

laughed if they joked about

women taking ages to get ready,

that we are bad drivers.

those stereotypes you confirm

with these jokes.

she's the first to answer,

explain, and she can't take it.

and i say: "she's right."

if we celebrate these jokes, we

are encouraging the stereotypes

and we let them underestimate

us.

and i think that's a good

example to stop it.

chiqui: "how do you deal

with the hope of always looking

young and pretty, and when did

you first think you were getting

old?".

oh, my god!

patricia: you're assuming.

chiqui: i never thought i

was getting old.

in this business, image is very

important.

it's always been like that,

and i've been in this business

as long as i can remember,

since i was a kid,

but i always thought beauty has

to be based on something else.

perfect people with perfect

bodies are everywhere.

but if there's nothing else

holding that up, that ends.

and there has to be something

else, but i'm not obsessed with

aging, we are all going the same

way.

it's inevitable.

and i feel good, i think i never

felt so good in my own skin as

i do now.

after my forties, i feel better

than ever, better than in my

20's.

aging gives you gifts no other

thing will give you.

patricia: i wouldn't add

anything.

you're right.

karla: you'll think i'm crazy,

but i haven't felt i'm aging

yet.

pamela: i still remember your

look when you turned 40.

karla: i can obviously tell the

differences on the skin, that

you are wrinkled in the

morning.

but i'm happy with what i am.

with what i'm not.

i was never obsessed with being

perfect.

i was always worried people

might say i was stupid.

i don't care if they say

i'm fat, skinny, whatever,

but stupid worried me.

alejandra: i was turning 25 and

i realized i was going to the

gym and my body didn't react

the same.

karla: oh, wait until you turn

40!

alejandra: and when i turned 30

too.

and i saw a picture of me when

i was 25 and said "why am i

wrinkled?".

i saw wrinkles.

patricia: you are exaggerating.

alejandra: no, i'm not.

and i said right...

my husband told me,

"you don't even put some cream

on."

all: [laugh]

alejandra: i enjoy...

when i'm not in front of a

camera, i dot wear make-up at

all.

it happened at 25.

chiqui: you realized you were

old?

alejandra: no, i realized i had

to start looking after some

things.

to make it to 30.

karla: can you see us?

you won't.

lindsay: a question that cheer

us up, please.

chiqui: no, but it's true you

have to have strong and hard

skin to take the pressure on

beauty.

not only on the t.v.

they usually expect a woman

to look perfect.

good mother, great at work,

good hair, good nails.

enough!

give me a break.

lindsay: we have great

expectations with women,

and in sports, in which most of

them are men, i had big

pregnancies, macro-fetuses,

11 pounds and a half.

my two kids were macro-fetuses.

and i had huge bellies.

i went back to the t.v.

and there's two types

of reactions,

the one that goes, "ugly, fat,

horrible", of course.

and the other, when you start

losing weight that goes, "my

wife had a kid just like you,

and she couldn't lose the

weight."

and they start point their wives

out.

because it turns out that you

are on t.v. and you're wearing

five straps and you can hardly

breath, and people think their

wives at home are going to look

the same.

chiqui: or when you go to the

supermarket, in my case in

flip-flops and a hair bun.

karla: "you are always pretty".

chiqui: no, "you look a lot like

chiqui".

"impossible, she's so much

prettier."

alejandra: and people know it's

you, they just tell you that...

chiqui: but you know?

when you're 30, you care about

that, but when you're 40 you

don't.

lindsay: "what did you win and

what did you lose when you got

to this country?, and how

important is it for you to speak

spanish at home?"

i'll start with the easy part,

at home we only speak spanish.

i rather have them speak two

languages instead of one without

an accent.

what did i win and what did i

lose?

i earned what i am.

i owe this country that much.

i got here when i was 19.

with a dream of working on t.v.

with no degree, no speaking

english.

back home, my dad would say:

"you can't", i think he loves

us, but he's abusive with

words.

the word "trash".

that was my nickname

growing-up.

"you are trash".

so, i came to the u.s.

and it was a way of starting

somewhere where i wasn't the

girl that should have been

a boy,

and thanks to these immigrants,

i learnt i was better here.

karla: this country represents

for many people, what it

represents to you.

to be born again.

because everyone who left their

countries, came to make a better

versions of themselves.

karla: number four.

"do you feel the phrase 'women

are women worst enemies' is true

or just a cliché and why?"

wow, that's strong.

i'd like to say no.

because it makes me sad when we

call us women enemies.

for some reason, women

have a problem with seeing

another women stand out.

jackie: but it's hard for

humans, women, to give what they

don't have inside.

it's important to work your

inner being, because when you

feel full, you're happy with

what you are, because we all

stand out in different things.

pamela: when i started this

career i suffered.

i was sad when another woman

wasn't supportive.

and my mother told me something

that put everything in

perspective.

"women in pain want other women

to feel the pain too".

instead of being angry and

frustrated, pray for them.

to encourage that sisterhood

a little.

karla: people want to create a

conflict, a rivalry.

pamela: sometimes you have so

many things consuming

your thoughts.

all the other things people

think... i have another

priorities, other worries.

but a happy woman...

karla: doesn't have time

for other women.

alejandra: there's the phrase:

"the one that's happy has no

time to criticize".

when i started working

for univision, women...

i will talk about women.

there's this bathroom in

univision that's kind of hidden.

where we used to change our

clothes in "sabado gigante".

two people came in,

one of them is a univision

anchor.

and i was really naive.

i was in the bathroom and i was

silent.

it was like a dressing room.

i was silent because i heard

these two people come in.

and this person started talking

really bad about me.

i had just done some things

in univision.

and she said: "she won't make

it, she won the contest but

she's stupid, she's going

nowhere, at the end of the year

she'll be gone."

i knew whose voice that was.

but i didn't know who the other

person was.

patricia: another woman?

alejandra: yes.

and that made me doubt

my skills.

chiqui: you didn't come and...

alejandra: today, i wouldn't

come out because i think it's

unnecessary,

but back then it hurt,

i felt a lesser person.

and i said at the beginning,

women made me feel worse

than men ever did.

jackie: it's incredible how that

teaches you not to repeat the

pattern.

when i started,

they made my life impossible.

i always knew it wasn't my

problem.

because being yourself

make people feel insecure.

and i understood it

was the other person's problem.

until today.

recently on the 31st. they put

two gorgeous girls to work with

me and i went "wow"!

but i always remember how hard

they made it for me

when i started.

and i said: "no, i'll make them

shine, i have to be proud of

them".

because then it turns into this

kind of admiration.

i admire them because they are

just starting.

they admire me for my career.

patricia: i worked in a world in

which authorities were mostly

men.

and in my experience, it's been

men who tried to make me

stumble. and i think and hope

that rivalry among women,

because now there's a lot more

women in power, a lot more on

t.v., that all that is changing.

that now we are solidary

we are partners.

pamela: i came 17 years ago and

my first chance in the news came

because jackie that was doing

the weathercast at the local

channel in miami, didn't have

a replacement.

they gave me a chance,

and i did the weather when

jackie...

i was hoping jackie to call

in sick.

all: [laugh]

alejandra: i remember being in

"belleza latina", pamela, you'd

go interview us.

for channel 23.

pamela: i did the weather,

entertainment, news, in the

morning, in the afternoon.

alejandra: i remember seeing

her in "primer impacto" oh,

i was as excited as i was

when michelle galvan said she

was pregnant.

i saw that tweet, and i felt i

was pregnant.

i was so excited.

and i remember when they put you

in "primer impacto".

it's what you want for other

people, because you know you'll

get your chance eventually.

jackie: right, and when you are

happy for the other person,

those chances arrive.

chiqui: i agree with you,

patricia, when you say that's

changing.

and a prove of that is the

"me too movement".

if us women didn't unite,

and have begun the beginning

of change...

that was the reason we did it,

we said "enough".

"let's stop coming against each

other..."

karla: it's not a race.

chiqui: what was the phrase?

"women are women worst

enemies, if they are not self

confident".

karla: exactly.

i like that.

alejandra: "what things your

mother tried to teach you don't

you want to teach your kids

and why?".

no, i really like how my mom

raised me.

i always tell her.

and whenever i have the chance,

i say it again.

i wish i was half the good

mother my mother was.

pamela: i used to be resentful

as a child because she left me

in peru with my grandma.

it was supposed to be six

months, then a year, two, three.

i couldn't understand how

could she abandon her kid.

somehow.

in time you understand

sacrifice.

and i thank her and now

i'm older i care for her.

i'm older, not her,

she's exactly the same.

all: [laugh]

pamela: now that you mentioned

being a grandma, i'm sure that

will be...

patricia: i had great parents

too.

the supported me, motivated me.

i wouldn't change my mom,

but i do question her my dad

always being a playboy, a very

successful man, handsome.

a ladies man.

and i wonder how she could take

these infidelities for so long.

and she says: "for you".

and i question that.

she was unhappy for many years.

suffering. and we saw you.

how could you take it?

in the end, they became friends,

i think time gives you the

perspective and the maturity.

but i don't think i'd manage

an infidelity the same way.

i remember that when we got

married i said: "look, i can

tell you right now that if i

ever see you with someone else,

you'll see me the following week

with another man, we sit and

then decide what to do".

but that experience of having my

mom forgiving my dad all her

life, i won't do that.

jackie: i was left alone

when i was 12.

i used to say: "where am i going

to sleep tonight?"

at the same time i understood my

mom was going from the hardest

time of her life.

and that's when i become like

a mother to her.

she told me: "i'll send you over

to grandma's, for you to have

a better life".

and i said: "no, even if i have

to sleep with you under a

bridge, even if we have nothing

to eat, i'll stay with you."

i was raised with the gospels.

and i use to tell myself

"she always did what she could".

she was a mother that also grew

up without a mother.

sometimes patterns repeat

themselves and that was my

greatest strength to say:

"you know what? i live in south

bronx, in a project, it doesn't

matter where i'll end up

but i have two hands,

one for my daughter and one

for my son."

lindsay: it's just that when you

become a mother, you learn that

the love your mother feels for

you, with her defects and

virtues, no one will ever love

you more than her.

as a mom, you know how it feels.

i thanks my parents...

at the baby shower everyone

thought that when they brought

my mom i was going to cry.

and i was going to break

and tell her she was the best.

and they asked me what i admired

the most about my mom.

and everyone always says that

she's the best mom in the world.

i couldn't say that.

because it wast true.

however, i wouldn't trade her.

because she made me what i am.

she's the greatest grandma

in the world.

karla: i agree with ale,

i wouldn't change anything my

mom taught me.

why do they go there, right?

all: yes!

pamela: it's too strong.

karla: she had to go through

a lot.

what i admire the most of her

is that she never gives up.

she works everyday

and it really touches me...

i always tell her: "if i had

half your energy".

she's never tired.

and she says: "i don't stop

working because if i do,

i'll die."

jackie: "why is it so hard for

a woman to be president

of the u.s.?"

michelle obama mentioned this

recently.

she says she's worried of the

little support us women get.

about how many women doubted

to vote for hillary.

there were some reasons

and it was easier to give the

vote to a man.

this questions should have been

for you.

patricia: this is still

a chauvinistic country.

despite being the first country

in many other aspects

of society, economy.

in different areas,

but i think it's not ready.

but having two democrat

precandidates who are worth it,

intelligent, wise, stubborn,

because you can see them

in the debates.

they don't stay silent and they

make their stand.

i think we are witnessing

the firsts steps.

maybe not this time, and we get

a surprise...

pamela: but we'll get there.

patricia: the problem is they

measure women with a different

ruler.

in every aspect, that's a pity.

i think that's even women in

politics even dress like men.

chiqui: but we are going back

to chauvinism and feminism.

if a man screams, he's powerful,

if a woman does, she's

hysterical.

if a man demands something,

he knows what he wants,

if a woman does, she's in her

days.

karla: they always judge us,

they judge that during "those

days" we won't be able to make

decisions.

jackie: and men have "those

days" many times too.

karla: yes, if you are

sentimental, you hormonal.

so, the stereotype of the woman

being "hormonal" has to change.

or they won't believe we can

make decisions.

all: [talk]

karla: even we say "i'm in those

days".

the day we start talking and

make others understand we can

make good decisions any day of

the month,

they'll take us seriously.

patricia: seventh question.

i love that i got this question.

and it has to do with love

and relationships.

"how easy or difficult is it to

be the couple of a powerful

woman like you and why?".

all: wow!

karla: powerful and beautiful.

and a nice person.

patricia: thank you.

if you are not a chauvinist,

it's really easy.

it's fundamental for your

partner to be self confident.

to have their own career.

to complete you in a personal

level, because you'll need their

support to look after the

children.

anything.

and they have to be sure you are

committed to this relationship.

no need to be jealous.

and has to be supportive, happy

for your achievements.

chiqui: a friend would say:

"where do they make those?".

[laughs]

patricia: i have that man.

if my husband danced merengue

and salsa he'd be the perfect

husband.

all: i have that man too.

pamela: we have to have that

kind of husbands,

we couldn't do our jobs

otherwise.

and the couple wouldn't be at

peace.

to keep the harmony,

it has to be that kind of men.

we can't also deal with an

insecure person, we might

already look for that kind of

man because you know you need

him.

karla: when i met my husband,

i swear i met him on a friday,

and by saturday we were already

dating.

so fast. love at first sight.

and when i met him i thought:

"this is what i always wanted

in my heart".

and i thank he doesn't love

the karla on t.v.

patricia: if you want to know

where to get these men, to

give you hope, sometimes you get

that man after being in terrible

relationships.

after you had bad ones,

you identify what you don't want

again.

chiqui: in my case, after two

divorces of two people we won't

mention,

i remember i got to univision

with a four-months-old baby.

and life made me divorce during

my pregnancy.

and it was hard to be in that

process and at the same time

about to have a baby.

it's something i wish no one has

to go through.

i remember karla once told me

"you'd make a good couple with

jorge ramos".

and in some univision event

we were introduced.

and we discussed books.

i told him i read some of his

books.

and he said: "i'll send some

books over to your house."

karla: he never sent me any

books.

all: [laugh]

chiqui: we run into each other

in of those sessions with all

the people.

and everyone starts taking out

pictures of their kids.

i take out my baby's picture,

and he says: "so cute, his dad

must be really proud".

chiqui: "there is no dad",

and his eyes came out of their

sockets.

"there's no dad?"

"no".

karla: "there's one right

here".

all: [laugh]

chiqui: "i'll send you another

book tomorrow."

so, we exchanged books

and that's how it all started.

and it's cool to find someone

you don't have to explain

the joke to.

that makes life easy for you.

in my case, besides bringing

some luggage, to get someone

whose kids get along with mine,

a really modern family.

patricia: yours, mine and ours.

chiqui: ours not yet.

and i don't think there will be.

i think we were lucky.

we made this family.

in which we all love and support

each other.

and that's great,

i feel lucky to have that.

pamela: and it's never easy

to go through break-up, divorce

and relationships.

imagine how much harder it is to

go through that in public.

people want to know,

some things you want to share,

others you don't.

and you have to find the balance

between what you want to share

and what you can share.

jackie is an expert too.

jackie: it's important for the

man to understand your career.

and sometimes you think that

if he's in the business, he'll

understand.

and it's completely opposite.

we go into chauvinism again.

"i'm not ready to see you

shine."

"i'm supposed to be more than

you".

i was in "mira quien baila"

and he'd say: "let loose,

dance".

chiqui: you had a thing with

jorge ramos too?

jackie: yes...

chiqui: tell me.

alejandra: tell us everything,

jackie.

karla: i didn't know that.

i never know any gossip.

jackie: i was getting divorced,

i was in "mira quien baila",

everyone was silent and someone

said "jorge ramos is dating

someone from univision."

and they all said "it's jackie,

because she's single and all."

it's really hard.

i was sentenced the three months

"mira quien baila" lasted.

and it was hard to concentrate

when you're with a divorce

and all that.

and you can't say anything,

i was still in "primer impacto",

with a smile.

but i was torn inside.

chiqui: we think that in order

for a relationship to be

successful, it has to last all

your life. no.

there's a cycle...

jackie: it's just what you get.

chiqui: it gave you what it had

to give you while it lasted.

it doesn't have to last

forever.

good if it does.

jackie: you said it,

you already know what you want,

what you don't.

and they ask you when are you

getting married.

and you want to enjoy being

single.

because you know it perfectly.

alejandra: ♪ being single

it's what's on ♪

all: [laugh]

alejandra: i wished everyone

could find a person like the one

i have back home.

i want you to run into what

i ran into.

i found a terrific dancer.

all: [laugh]

karla: what patricia is missing.

chiqui: i didn't know that.

karla: if we gathered our

husbands' skills right here,

we can make the perfect man.

a dancer, this and that...

patricia: this year will be our

30th. anniversary.

all: bravo!

[applause]

chiqui: you can do it!

you can do it!

patricia: the key is respect,

give each other space,

help each other, admire each

other.

and build a project together.

pamela: it was nice to share

experiences, and people

sometimes see us differently.

but these experiences makes

us a lot more human.

also among co-workers.

we learn from one another.

and the audience deserves

to listen to those stories.

obstacles, adversities.

love, break-ups.

and celebration.

alejandra: they should see they

are no rivals here.

this is our job,

this is what we do.

pamela: and give positive

comments.

people hiding behind a name

making nasty comments really

affect us.

karla: like the stars in the

sky.

we all shine, in different ways,

different sizes, but at night

time, we make the sky look

beautiful.

chiqui: and after this talk,

we realize we have much more

in common than what we have

differences.

jackie: as i always say:

"latinas, we're going to the

top".

all: [laugh]

thank you.

all: [applaud]

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