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Sometimes I feel like I am two people. The person you see walking around who has gained more than eighty pounds these last two years and the person inside who feels like she is walking around wearing a fat suit. I’ve always struggled with my weight but following my daughter’s autism diagnosis I gave up all efforts in the battle of the bulge. I now avoid mirrors and clothes shopping if possible. I also avoid spending time outside of my comfort zone, for the friends I keep close are already privy to my failure and that makes socializing easier. It’s almost as if I would rather avoid all those people that have yet to see what I have done to myself. It is embarrassment or shame or even denial? Who knows. So, in what seems like a last ditch effort to get this weight off I am going to explore all the reasons I have been failing at the battle of the bulge for so long.
Refined White Sugar
I love it, I need it, I crave it. If this were categorized as a drug (and sometimes I think it should be) I would be a Class A Offender. If I don’t get at least some of the good stuff every single day I feel angry, irritable and unfulfilled. Do you want to know the worst part? I don’t want to kick it because I don’t want to live in a world where I can’t have dessert once in a while. I know what you are thinking, everything in moderation, right? Tell that to the giant Toblerone calling my name.
I enjoy other forms of alcohol on occasion. In fact, it was just in the last few years I developed a taste for wine. I worked hard to learn to like it because my Jack and Diet Coke didn’t emit the same sophisticated message as a nice glass of wine could. Unfortunately, I succeeded in falling in love with wine and now it seems a shame to let a bottle go to waste. While I don’t crave wine like I do sugar, I’d be hard pressed to turn down a glass when offered.
You’ve heard the term gymtimidation, right? Me, at a gym? I can’t walk in there looking like this, or so I tell myself. I cannot bring myself to walk through the front doors and face people that love to exercise. You know the type, right? The ones that just don’t feel right unless they get their workout in. My self esteem can’t cope with that right now so instead I choose to stay home and stay fat. Hmmmm, I am starting to see the problem here.
It looks to me that if we remove all refined white sugar, wine and intimidating gyms from the world I could be thin again. Do you see my faulty logic? I think it’s what’s gotten me into this mess. So, if you could share a small tidbit of advice or something that has worked for you, it would be much appreciated because this Mama wants to show her kids healthy habits for life.