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Real Moms Talk Healthy Sex Life After Kids

16 Mar 2015 – 02:35 PM EDT

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Keeping the spark alive after kids is a challenge for many couples. Is it possible to maintain a healthy sex life once you become a parent? We asked real moms for their tips on keeping the relationship hot in the bedroom.

Just do it.

Some of the parents we spoke to are committed to making sex happen no matter how tired or stressed they are. They make it a priority in their relationship. “Use it or lose it,” a mom of four said. Others said,

“Ask and you shall receive. I ask.”

“Just do it. The more you have, the more you want to have. “

“If you don’t have sex because you’re tired, well, you are going to go without for a while, because parenthood is tiring! “

Be affectionate outside the bedroom.

Those in healthy sexual relationships with their spouse don’t just reserve intimacy for the bedroom. Here are some tips to feel close any time.

“Spend time talking, cuddling, and connecting in other ways too!”

“You should be physically affectionate and connected on a daily basis.”

“Spend the money on the sitter and go spend time with your spouse and nurture your relationship. Sex will follow.”

“Engage in flirting, affection and subtle foreplay in the day and evening, so it’s a natural progression and mood setter.”

Sneak it in.

The days of getting in on anywhere in the house, any time of day are over once you have kids. That doesn’t mean sex has to end, though.

“I trained my child to sleep with music playing in case things get loud! I also made it a habit to keep my bedroom door shut and locked and taught her to knock.”

“We try to make time when they are asleep or at school, but it’s hard between work and household chores. Sometimes a quickie is all we get make happen. “

“We love ‘nooners’ on our lunch breaks while the kids are at school.”

Be patient and understanding.

Other moms simply laughed when asked how to have a healthy sex life after kids. One exhausted new mom asked, “Thirteen months in and my sex drive still hasn’t returned. I’d love to hear any secrets.” Another explained that she’s simply “touched out” at the end of the day after caring for small children who want to be held and cuddled constantly.

Be patient, gentle and understanding with yourself and your spouse. Maybe you start with cuddling while watching Netflix and build from there. Have honest talks about where you are, where you’d like to be and how you can get there.

Do you have any tips to share about sex after kids? Let us know in the comments below.