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7 Reasons My Wife Drives me Crazy

4 May 2015 – 03:49 PM EDT

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It was bound to happen. I posted this and he decided he wanted to have his say. Even though I doubted he could make a list of even three things that drive him crazy about me, his wife, he was able to come up with seven (after I vetoed a half dozen that were outright unsharable, even if they are true). A girl’s gotta have some secrets. So, with a little further ado, here is a list of the seven things about me that drive my husband crazy. His words are in bold.

Personally, I think he’s being a bit dramatic. If I drive him so crazy then why is he always making excuses to go out all the time and…oh wait.

She’s Spends Money Like It Grows on Trees

Yes, I do this. I don’t even have a good defense. It’s just that if I see something I want I can quickly convince myself that I need it. It’s a talent, really. I can talk myself, and most anyone else, into doing things that might not be the smartest choice, but will certainly be enjoyable. Based on his credit card statements, I can see why this might be a problem for my husband. I will try to do better.

Her lack of a sense of direction should be a registered disability.

I firmly agree. As hard as I try, I cannot find my way around my own city. I cannot predict what’s next and it makes for a harrowing trip for anyone trusting me to get them somewhere. I do believe, I am meant to be driven. In a gorgeous, luxury car with leather and bird’s eye maple interior. Oh, I get what he is saying about money now.

My wife can sense what other people are thinking without them telling her.

This is not a talent that is specific to me. Most women can read someone within sixty seconds of meeting them. It’s a defense mechanism that is given to us to make up for our lack of sense of direction.

She finds time to read. And not just People magazine or Marie Claire, real grown up novels that make her smart and stuff.

It’s kind of like how he finds time to go to the gym to work on his body. I would rather work on my mind.

She can decide not to give a shit.

Who cares.

She thinks the river is full of sharks…THE RIVER!!

Two words: River Sharks!

She’d rather go to a crowded city than a beach.

Where on earth am I supposed to shop at the beach? Not only am I forced to wear clothes that make me feel self-conscious but I am at risk of being eaten by river sharks! I’ll take New York City any day of the week.

Well, I guess that list wasn’t too bad. I mean, he could have told you how I pee a little every time I sneeze, or how I pretend I am allergic to fish because it grosses me out. It’s a relief those tidbits didn’t get out yet.