I had a miscarriage several years ago. It was very unexpected and a devastatng loss. I didn’t even know I was pregnant until it started, though I realized after I completely ignored the signs. I chalked my late period up to stress, my nausea, vomiting and exhaustion to a stomach bug and my oh, so very tender breasts to PMS. I was numb when the gynecologist explained I was having a “missed pregnancy.”
I went home and told my husband, then sent out an email blast to friends and family. I’m an oversharer by nature and knew I would want the support and help to process after the shock wore off.
And it wore off quickly. I was devastated that my pregnancy ended before I even got the chance to celebrate it. I felt robbed.
I received a couple short emails in response. “I’m sorry to hear that. Feel better soon.”
My mom and mother-in-law both called to check in, as did my sister. My grandma sent an “I’m sorry you aren’t feeling well” card. It was obvious no one knew what to say and I didn’t feel like talking, even to my husband.
I wanted support, but people didn’t know how to give it to me and I didn’t know how to receive it.
All I could do was cry in bed while eating pints of Ben & Jerry’s Phish Food or Haagen Daz chocolate peanut butter ice cream.
Fortunately, I had one friend who knew exactly what to do. She had experienced a miscarriage herself. She didn’t even ask to speak to me when she called. She told my husband she knew I didn’t feel like it. She offered to get all of the supplies she thought I would need and leave them in a bag at our front door. No contact necessary. She told him to let her know if there were other things I needed or wanted. Her emergency kit included:
- New underwear
- Potato Chips
- Trashy magazines
- And, yes, more ice cream.
She’s a keeper. I knew she was there to listen when I was ready and we eventually had some very therapeutic talks. Miscarriage is hard, but having someone like that on your side makes you feel a little less alone.