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Dear Husband: A List of Things I Selfishly Need From You

Dear Husband: A List of Things I Selfishly Need From You

Hey Honey, This is not going to be a list asking for more love, encouragement and understanding because you dole out all that good stuff in spades. You’re an excellent husband. You’re also quick to take me on dates and otherwise keep our relationship exciting and fun. This list is going to be a little …

The Happy Couple

Hey Honey,

This is not going to be a list asking for more love, encouragement and understanding because you dole out all that good stuff in spades. You’re an excellent husband. You’re also quick to take me on dates and otherwise keep our relationship exciting and fun. This list is going to be a little more practical in form. This is a honey-do list for the masses. I hope you’ll understand. If it appears a tad bit selfish that’s because it is, and that is okay every once in a while. Here goes:

Do More Stuff

When I say ‘stuff’ I mean I would like you to tackle that long list of projects that is weighing on both of us. The taps in the bathroom have been broken for a few years. I am tired of using a wrench to turn them on and off. The screen door needs replacing since the cat, that I promised I would be completely responsible for, decided he didn’t want to wait until we got up to let him out. I am sure you are just as tired of me avoiding these problems but this isn’t about me, is it? This is a letter to you. I will expect your reply/rebuttal by the week’s end.

Do Less Stuff

When I say less ‘stuff’ I mean less Football, hockey, sailing and some of the other extracurriculars you partake in. I would just like to have you around more to do things like fix those bathroom taps and maybe binge watch Netflix now and then. I know your ‘stuff’ is important to you and I would never ask you to stop it all. I’m just asking for you to scale back a tad so I can get more of what I want. I told you this was going to sound a little selfish.

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Offer Me More Wine and Chocolate

This is as much for your sake as it is mine. It is a proven “fact” that the more chocolate and wine I ingest the less I will worry about my first two requests. I prefer expensive chocolate and cheap wine so do with that what you will. There is really no wrong time to offer either of these mood enhancers. A good rule of thumb is this: “Do you think she needs wine or chocolate? Yes. Offer her some. No? Offer her some, anyway.

Let Me Go To Bed Early

Don’t eye the sink full of dirty dishes when I roll past you with my book in hand, clearly dressed for bed. Be the husband that simply says: “Would you like a bit of wine or chocolate to go with that book?” Are you sensing a theme yet?

Let Me Stay in Bed Late

When the sun rises and the kids begin to yell “Mama”, please intervene as quickly as you can and give them inappropriately sugary cereal or something equally enticing to ensure they will forget why they desperately need me, and only me, at the crack of dawn. Let Mama sleep in because she stayed up way too late reading.

Thanks for listening, Honey. I think you know what to do next.

Love Always,

Your Devoted Wife

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