Valentine’s Day. A day for lovers–a day for flowers and candy and sweet love notes displayed on expensive boxes of chocolate and cheap wine. A day to remind someone how much you cherish them and a day your cat dreads each year. You’re barely tolerable on a regular day and now you dare spend a day worshiping another annoying human. This list could go on and on but in the interest of getting the message to you short and sweet, here are the main reasons your cat hates Valentine’s Day.
When You’re Single Your Crying Interrupts His Napping
He needs his sleep. Last Valentine’s Day, when you were single, he didn’t get his full twenty-three and a half hours of sleep because you were whimpering into your pillow. He’s less than impressed with your need for anyone besides him. Does he not offer enough attention for you? He notices you when he is hungry and sometimes he lets you scratch behind his ears and yet you still yearn for a human companion. He’s ready for you to get your priorities straight.
You Leave Him Alone While You Go Out For Dinner
When you do have a significant other you insist on spending this “holiday” out at a restaurant. Your long, leisurely dinner gets in the way of his need to sleep on your computer keyboard while you try to scroll Pinterest and enjoy a glass of wine. Your selfishness amazes him. After all, who sleeps on your important documents when you are working to ensure they don’t get lost? Who weaves through your feet on the stairs to teach you the importance of balance? Who sleeps on the pile of clean laundry to keep it furry and warm?
You Buy Gifts and Cards For a Hallmark Holiday, But You Forget His Birthday Every Year
He may have been born on the mean streets of your town but he still has a birthday worthy of celebrating. Could you not even hazard a guess of when it might be and spring for a can of tuna or two? Frankly, he’s tired of watching you celebrate everything from Super Bowl Sunday to a new season of House of Cards. Would it kill you to acknowledge the birth of your greatest accomplishment? Honestly, it’s like you don’t even know how lucky you are.
You Display Flowers and You Won’t Let Him Eat Them
They smell so good and he can’t stop himself from chewing on the colorful petals. Why would you bring such a temptation into his house if you didn’t want him to have a little snack? He’s already expected to maintain his dignity after the toilet bowl incident and then there was the time you thought it would be funny to play with a laser pointer. He still hasn’t fully recovered from that embarrassment. Don’t even mention the time he caught you browsing #dogsofinstragram.
So, when you prepare to celebrate Valentine’s Day this year, do it with this in mind. Your cat hates Valentine’s Day and he knows where you sleep.