There are no perfect parents. No matter what anyone tells you, there isn’t a parent in the world that hasn’t made at least one mistake when it comes to the wonderful journey of parenthood. Parents have been getting angry with their children since the dawn of time, for various reasons, and unfortunately raising their voices has become a natural response when they want their kids to listen to them.
We don’t have to yell or raise our voices when we get angry with our children and there are ways to keep your cool when they push your buttons. Parents just need to know what to do before that fiery moment occurs. Yelling and saying harsh words can be very damaging for children to hear. They can also pick up this unhealthy way of dealing with anger, which will not benefit them with regards to future relationships.
If you find that you have been raising your voice quite a bit when you are angry with your kids, start with these tips below. You can avoid yelling when anger presents itself by practicing calm parenting.
Understand Your Triggers
Do you feel your teeth clench when your teenager has their headphones in all the time or is texting when you are trying to talk to them? Do you get angry when your 5-year-old has a meltdown because he couldn’t get that LEGO toy at the mall? Do you feel stress when your 12-year-old talks back to you?
Sit down and make a list of the things that bother you when it comes to their behavior. Know which ones set you off more than others. When you can spot the triggers before an outburst or yelling match occurs you might be able to prevent yourself from getting fired up. This is a good time for a family meeting where you can discuss acceptable behavior with your children.
Keep Realistic Expectations
If you have noticed that you have been yelling at your kids, look at what your expectations are of them. Are they reasonable? Are they fair? If you’re putting too many limitations on your kids (or in some cases not enough), this could be the cause of them acting out. Make sure your expectations are realistic. If you get upset and yell when your child spills a drink or drops groceries, you might want to look within to see why this triggers you so much. After all, accidents are accidents.
Find Quiet in Your Daily Routine
If you can find a spot outside of your home to go to when you get angry with your children, this can do wonders. The back garden is a great place to calm down. Of course, if you have young children you cannot just leave, so in that case, you need a quiet place in your home that is for you and you only. Like a den perhaps. Make sure the kids are safe and step away when you feel like yelling. Take deep breathes. This isn’t always easy, but with enough practice, you will know when to step away before losing control.
If you cannot manage at times and feel like you are constantly having a yelling match with your kids, reach out to friends and family members for help. Sometimes you will need to have a break from your children and family members can help. You are proving just how much you love your children by having a plan B (a.k.a Grandma or Uncle Joe) and stepping away for an hour or two to calm down.
How do you stay calm when your child triggers you? Feel free to share with us!